Welcome to the Territory

After weeks of: yes or no, 5 mil or 7 mil, hurt or not hurt, power or platoon, the Twins have managed to sign free-agent third baseman Joe Crede. The agreement seems fair and sensible. With time running out, Boras must have realized the moronic nature of his previous demands. Now the Twins have a new #24.

I know the season won't start for another six weeks but I'm already starting to envision our 2009 25 man roster. Here's my guess...

Starting Line Up
Span (LF)
Casilla (2B)
Mauer (C)
Morneau (1B)
Crede (3B)
Kubel (DH)
Cuddyer (RF)
Punto (SS)
Gomez (CF)

Starting Rotation
Baker
Liriano
Slowey
Blackburn
Perkins

Relief
Crain
Guerrier
Ayala
Mijares
Breslow
Cruz (finger's crossed)
Nathan

Bench
Tolbert
Redmond
Young
Buscher

This means Boof gets the boot. If he's lucky he might end up on the DL -- but I think he deserves the boot. How do you go an entire off-season with pain and not get it checked out until the first week of spring training? Really?


Notice I also added Juan Cruz into the relief rotation. Looks like the Twins' front office might actually be playing their cards right this off-season. Who knew that the day all players check in to their spring-time homes, some of the most sought-after players would still be on the market. Agents must face it; the free agent market is saturated and with the economy, players available this year aren't going to receive exorbitant contracts (unless you sign with the Yanks). In this economic environment, agents like Boras can't manipulate the system effectively. They can try, but as seen by the Crede signing, agents and their clients are going to have to cower a bit if the clients want to play ball in 2009. Is it possible that Smith realized the brewing of a new climate during Winter Meetings in December? That's why we didn't sign Blake and that's why we sat stagnant. Now, move to late February and look who has the upper hand. To give an end to this prolific pile of seeming nonsense, the Twins are stocking up on clearance players; they are getting deals and steals. It's awesome.

A Roid Rant

"Going, Going, Gone..."

It's about that time...

Catchers and pitchers check into the clubhouse tomorrow morning. Screw the groundhog- Baseball is the first sign of spring.

As my spirit welcomes the commencement of America's past-time, I wonder what has changed about the game over its winter hibernation. As of now, the stove still simmers with remnants of Ramirez and the crowds watch with disgust as our collection of 'roiders spreads its spoiled smell to those with uninspired nicknames (I plead the 5th). This brings me to my roid-rant....

Ready, set, go...

What is wrong with you Bud Selig? How can you stand by as years of tradition and celebrated feats are pillaged with roid rage? How can you possibly let those offenders walk away with the bazillions of dollars they've stolen from young fans everywhere. They are not legends... Hank Aaron was a legend. It's sad to think that more kids today know that A-Rods been romantically linked to Madonna than know the legend of Aaron.

Today I am going to play 'pretend'. I'm going to pretend I am Bud Selig. Here is what I would have to say to: A Rod, Tejada, Bonds, Mcgwire, Clemans, and those of similar likes...

Dear Lame-ohs,
You suck. You are charged with the following:

One count of Attempted murder in the first degree: You attempted to steal this sacred game and murder its soul.

Numerous* Counts of Fraud and Misrepresentation: You never earned your stats, you created a facade that gave the public a holographic view of your supposed achievements.

Three counts of Felony Robbery
• You stole the hearts of many devoted fans.

• You stole money. In fact, A Rod, you stole more money than any other professional athlete has ever made.

• You stole our trust. Some of you fools play the ignorant card; others continue to lie. I'm not going to judge one above the other because it all sucks.


* Numerous in this case will equate to your total number of at-bats.

So boys, there you have it. Be prepared to suffer. Here are your penalties:

Fines: Half of the money you have made in your professional career must be donated to non-profits of my choice. You are banned from signing any endorsement deals with the exception of the following products: diapers, douches, and male enhancement drugs.

Suspension: You will be suspended for one season

Parole: You will be on parole for the rest of your professional lives and asked to do random drug tests.

Legacy: You are banned from Cooperstown. Also your career stats are considered null and void.

Have a good day,

Commissioner Miller

Stewin Over the Hot Stove

Ahh -- The off-season is alive.

What does T think about the Twins this off-season? Here's her 'if I was in charge' to-do list:

#1: Re-sign Nick Punto
I understand that this idea might make me susceptible to fellow blogger bludgeoning but here's the deal; Punto didn't suck last year. As much as people want to whine about '07, '08 was good. Reasons why we keep Punto:
He's amazing in the infield
He can play anywhere
He can run and slide (even into first)
He has more heart than a Hallmark on Valentine's day.

Many will say that "heart" has nothing to do with the game, but with baseball that's not the case. Heart has lots to do with the game. That's what differentiates Twins baseball from other sports. A true Twin never plays for stats; they play for the team. They do the little things. They are NOT this one. It's about desire, teamwork and perseverance. Nick Punto defines Twins baseball; therefore, we must keep him.

#2: Sign Casey Blake. Blake is ready to sing a new song in his Twins uniforms. He's old; I get that. I'm not calling for a long term contract, but two years would be good. Let's, for the first time in years, stabilize third base. Plus another homerun threat will only help the Twin's stellar small game. I am a firm believer that we can win by scoring the majority of our runs with the small game. I also am a realist. The Twins will not score Beltre or Atkins without sacrificing our rotation.

#3: Give Majares the set-up spot. Crain and Guerrier tired too much last year. Our Venezuelan lefty looks like heat. Keep 'em in there. Rest up the GC squad. Make Breslow do some push-ups. Feed Boof more burgers. Bring up Humber. Sew up Neshek and throw him back to BP for the year. There-- our bull-pen is fixed.

#4: Sign Scott Baker for at least five more years. He's my second place baseball boyfriend. He's our strongest pitcher. He bleeds Twins baseball. He needs to be here well into Target fields toddler days.

#5: Begin Delmon's therapy sessions. Dr. Vavra must fashion a shock collar-like device. Then, every time he swings at a bad pitch, Mr. Young will be bolted with a bajillion watts of electricity. Every time he swings at crud when it's the first pitch, he'll get shocked in the junk. Dr. White must also use the device in the field. Every time a ball is to the left side, Dr. White will shock Delmon so he jumps off his arse.

#6. Let Casilla and Gomez build their card-house of craziness. Their crazy freakin man love relationship has provided some of the scariest, most hilarious and most effective base running and fielding ever. GoGo deserved the Go-Gold Glove.

Ok-- maybe Go-go can slow down at the plate a bit.

Nah -- let 'em sharpen his smelling skills. It'll pay off. How? I dunno. But it will.

#7. Michael Cuddyer needs to learn new magic tricks. He better learn them quickly or he'll be shagging balls with Ryan the ball-boy.

#8. Kubel, Nathan and Span should start a band. They could be called Project Twitchy Mo. Denny said Jason Kubel was in his Guitar Center a few weeks ago scoping out drum sets. I'm sure Kubel can bang a decent drum. Nathan just naturally looks like he could play guitar. I bet he could even play with his lips. Span would make a strong front man. I mean, who doesn't love to get Denarded.



#9. Mauer should move in with Morneau and his new wife. Then they can do another Sports Illustrated special on their living arrangements. Plus it might make for some marital conflict.

#10. Hope, wish and hope that Scott Boras leaves his job as an agent to build a floral business.

I am so freakin nervous

Tonight is the night

Nervous in a hopeful way

Make this Twins baseball

I can't stop

Last night was FREAKIN amazing! This week's baseball has given me highs I haven't experienced in some time. My body is exhausted but my heart won't let go. In fact, Ben and I are temporarily putting our relationship on hold so we can commit 100% of our soul to the Twins.

Tonight it's Lover-boy Liriano.

Show them how you took down Tommy John.

Matter of routine

Slowey's on the mound tonight. Gavin Floyd is also on the mound. Tonight's a big night-- it's like more important than seriously important. I could barely exhale last night-- tonight I won't suffocate. In fact, tonight I'm going to be at IHOP for the first few innings. Will be back before the closing. Will be watching closely on Iphone. Will put on my lucky autographed Morneau jersey. Will give Penny high fives. Will follow the new rule. will, will, will...

New rule in the Miller / Ptacek household

Rule: No bashing of any Twins player. If a player errors, we commend him for his effort. Lack-o-bashing is a terribly difficult thing for a blogger to do. Don't believe me, just search "Nick Punto" in the Twins blogs.


Breaking of this rule with result in the breaking of my spirit and, consequently, the perpetrator's flanges.

Go Twins!